Preemies or premature infants are tracked closely during their first few years of their life to see how they develop. Weight, size, and head circumference are some of the growth factors used to adjust their age and calculate what’s called a “real age”. For example, a 6 month old baby who scores low on these metrics may be adjusted to an age of 4 months. It’s in this light that I’ve been thinking of adult age as being adjusted by maturity level. We’ve all seen or taken those “real age” tests that tell us our real age is 21 or 32 even though we might actually be 25. I want to explore the principle behind this a little more, but in the sense of how mature other adults (40+) view us to be.
The idea originates from the fact that we now live much longer lives and our personal and work lives have changed dramatically because of it. We have more time room to maneuver in. We don’t have to be “settled” at 24 anymore (ha!). A career isn’t forever and we explore possibilities related to our hobbies and interests rather than something we picked in our adolescence. This extension in our settlement as adults has a larger effect though on how we are perceived by other adults. Their generation did have to grow up fast (relatively) and we’re largely held to a similar framework. If we don’t meet expectation, then we’re treated, well, like children. Unlike the preemies, who are given the attention and care to catch up to their age, 20 and 30-somethings in a state of maturity flux (in school or changing careers) are pushed further down the “adult” totem pole.
A simple example is a 28-yr old married postgrad (med/law/PhD) with two kids. He/she obviously pays bills and has gone through some major “adult” experiences (marriage, childbirth) but being a student really cramps mature interactions with other adults. Or to turn it around, there’s the 24-yr old single marketing professional without any kids who still starts his/her weekend on a Wednesday night. Comes to work on time, is ambitiously climbing the ladder, but due to lifestyle choices is held to a lower maturity level. Both are well-functioning citizens of society and because they don’t fit the old career paradigm, they’re not afforded the same respect as adults who’ve made more PC choices.
Bottomline: Your boss can boss you around because you’re not working, but can’t parent you because you choose to play world of warcraft in your free time. Your professor can teach you his/her expertise, but can’t make you come to class (you’re paying for it!). Stick to roles and don’t adjust people’s age by your perception of their maturity level. Yes, a boss can be a parent and a professor can guide behavior, but not until they’re asked. Relationships are mutual agreements and too often adults take on added unasked-for responsibilities just because they think they can. If you’re a recipient of this sort of behavior, make your age and maturity clear. There’s no set definition for “adult.”