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October 31, 2012

Grok It

"Grok", to me, means being OK with letting yourself grow. Without judgment, without limitation, without time, in an infinite and ever-expanding way.

When I feel I'm becoming more open-minded, "open-mindedness" becomes a label and the societal implication is that others are close-minded, when I don't believe that to be the case. I'm just at a growth point along my personal path. Feeling open-minded can sometimes close you off from others and create a separation where none existed before.

By saying I grok something, an industry like healthcare for example, I'm indicating a deep understanding through experience and study. I'm not saying I know everything about it. There's always more to learn. I have come to a point where I can speak to most people about healthcare in a very simple way. The simplicity itself connotes deep understanding, because I don't have to use industry acronyms or make reference to healthcare leaders to leverage my knowledge.

I couldn't say the same about industries such as the environment or education, but even industry is a closed reference to a particular professional group. Very often, I interact with a lot of different professionals in a variety of industries, including environment and education. I grok the interchange between professionals in business regardless of industry. I'm very familiar and comfortable with the straightforward, casual style of men and women in business.

Again, I couldn't say the same of artists, military personnel or teachers, though I have friends from each of these areas. I grok my relationship with them and learn from their different viewpoints. My rapport in these friendships is easy-going and touches on their respective professions, which unlike business define who they are as much as what they do. I understand that, I grow from it, I grok it.

The word, "grok", can mean so much but it's so silly in its structure and sound, so made-up, that if I ever want to use a label for describing my recent growth, it's easily available. I rarely use it, except with others who have either read "Stranger in a Strange Land" or are familiar with the lingo and grok it without knowing the word "grok".

Still, "grokking" is often my aim when relating to most people. I want to understand more deeply their lives, experiences, thoughts, and actions. It goes beyond industry, profession, and calling. Within the label of a "30-something straight Indian man", I'm made aware of the distinction in my interactions with women, children, the elderly, married couples, people identifying as LGBT, parents, and people from other ethnicities. Though I am removed from the daily experience of someone from each of these categories, I often think of what life looks like through their eyes. I try to empathize with how the world reacts to them and how they respond to that reaction. I try to grok it.

Grokking - or limitlessly growing in my understanding of others - creates an enormous amount of love for people. In my hopes of experiencing others' experience, I see how much closer we are as opposed to what makes us different. The connection is human first. All the labels drop away, and I'm simply left with being myself. I know the societal labels will always be there, but my approach is more friendly, my eyes are softer, my body language is more open and in general I'm more relaxed.

Ironically, grokking others creates an enormous level of comfort with myself and who I am. As I learn to relate more openly, I become more relatable. My relationships follow less the path from stranger to acquaintance to friend to close friend. They have an energy of their own.

I'm just beginning to experiment applying this thought process. Empathy, grokking, love, openness are concepts we're all familiar with. There's no guide book for putting them into action. We're taught operational skills in grade school and largely left to our own devices for our emotional growth. Our parents can prepare us for only so much and some of us don't have the societal luxury of a nuclear family either. The media is of little help and can be a "mis"-guide in teaching us how to relate with others.

The responsibility is solely ours. Framing empathy, love and growth within the world as grokking just seems more fun, so that's what I do. There's a lot of dire seriousness in philosophy, a nostalgic longing in self-help, and a flawed sense of self in therapy. Each has its place and all are encompassed within a basic human approach to relationships. We're trying to shed our labels, and sometimes that's through creating more simplistic labels that energize us, move us, help us grow and make us laugh.

Grok it, or call it something else, but discover the human side of you and see what happens. I'll be somewhere on that growth curve, so don't hesitate to reach out.

October 24, 2012

My New Year's Resolutions

This is the best time to set New Year's resolutions, for a couple reasons. It takes time to start and there's a hump around 2 months to get through.

1. It takes time to set up logistics. 

For example, if you want to start a regular workout routine, you have to figure out what workout makes sense for you - kickboxing, weight-lifting, spinning, pilates, yoga, etc. You have to either find a gym or a workout DVD or a workout partner. You may have to get the right clothes, buy some weights, get a yoga mat, or whatever equipment you need for your specific workout.

All these logistics take a lot of energy and time to set up and can sometimes derail you from your resolution before you even get started. Get them out of the way now so you're ready to hit the ground running when the new year starts.

2. There's a hump to get over at 2 months.

A resolution is either a habit itself (like a workout routine) or it's a process of setting new habits to complete a specific goal (like writing a book). So how long does it take to form a habit? About 66 days, or between 2-3 months depending on if you count weekends. The first few weeks are fun since you're starting something new, but there are plenty of drop-off points and it can seem like an uphill battle, especially around day 40.

If you start your resolution on November 1st, with all the holidays counted in, day 40 will be very close to the start of the year. This is a time when everyone else is excited about starting and you can play off that excitement to get through this hump. By the end of January, your habit will be set and you'll be that much closer to meeting your resolution only a month after the year starts.

That being said, my new year's resolutions for 2013 are:
  1. Volunteer once a month
  2. Take an online spanish course
  3. Begin an at-home t'ai chi practice
Another thing to note about resolutions is specificity. I didn't say, "I want to volunteer, and learn spanish and t'ai chi." Knowing my schedule, I can handle volunteering once a month so I'll start there and add more days as it becomes part of my routine. Though the best way to learn a language is through an in-person immersion experience, it takes a lot of time and energy. I want to practice online first and perhaps take a trip to a Spanish-speaking area to refine what I've learned. Same goes with t'ai chi. I could take a class, but I know from personal experience that form-based exercise comes easier for me on my own first. I can correct my form once I have the fundamentals down.

I already have an account with New York Cares and my first volunteer project is on Halloween. I'm excited about it and the holidays are a great time to start volunteering. 

My research in t'ai chi got me curious about the Yang Long form. I wanted a very basic introduction that focused on increased flexibility so I chose BodyWisdom Media's: Tai Chi for Beginners. It goes through the 24 forms in eight separate lessons ranging from 10-30 minutes. A good start to my day. 

Lastly, I'm currently seeking affordable spanish courses that focus more on conversation than structure and grammar. I want to be able to speak colloquially by the summer and NYC offers plenty of opportunity to do so. If you have any suggestions on online courses, please comment or email me. 

Now it's your turn. How do you want to start the new year? What resolutions do you have in mind?