I've felt myself removed from the world in general. A part of this removal is my environment, where I am responsible for myself most of the day, without obligatory responsibility. I create my own work in my own time, but even if this were to change, I'm not sure the sense of personal ownership would go away.
Another part of my removal is ideological. I question sometimes whether it is holier-than-thou, but having experienced that negligent, ego-inflating sensation before, I don't believe it plays a part. The removal is more from a place of exhaustion, a mental and emotional sigh. And just as a sigh leaves the body, I leave the world for a bit. I step out of my body, which is very much in the world, and choose to be an observer.
The choice isn't real-time, not something I decided then and there, it's a choice I made a long time ago and am only cashing in on now, in that moment. Since my mind knows what I want, my body, through it's mental processes, takes me there. It's a little like Mike discorporating in "Stranger in a strange land", like the God Emperor going into a memory trance that takes him so far back in time it's hardly imaginable, but only a few seconds go by.
The time lapse is important to note. Personally, I feel the removal lasting much longer than the actual time that passes. I'm "gone" for but a few seconds, five at most, but I feel like I've taken a trip - vacation or drug - your choice. I'm in a past decision-induced mental coma.
The time lapse is important to note. Personally, I feel the removal lasting much longer than the actual time that passes. I'm "gone" for but a few seconds, five at most, but I feel like I've taken a trip - vacation or drug - your choice. I'm in a past decision-induced mental coma.
It's not from a place of apathy or escape and again I feel confident in saying so because I've experienced each of those emotions very strongly throughout my life. This is far more peaceful, a letting go, knowing the now matters more than anything.
There is so much I don't understand and perhaps we all read and learn to expand our understanding of the unknown. This experience is not one of reading or learning or practicing though. It is one of being. Knowing who you are and being so comfortable with yourself that you're willing to let yourself be without butting into the flow of you. Emerging through to the Self by letting go of the self.
EDIT: What I've described above is an outcome of experiencing reality subjectively. Watching yourself as an outside observer. It's not the same as being on auto-pilot, which can be very passive. You're very much engaged, there, completely in the present, and flowing through time.
Steve Pavlina describes subjective reality really well here. And the quintessential read on the subject is I Am That.
EDIT: What I've described above is an outcome of experiencing reality subjectively. Watching yourself as an outside observer. It's not the same as being on auto-pilot, which can be very passive. You're very much engaged, there, completely in the present, and flowing through time.
Steve Pavlina describes subjective reality really well here. And the quintessential read on the subject is I Am That.